The post bucket sulk - Unlike tenacious teams, after an opponents made bucket (especially dunks) all 5 Raptors for a full second: pout, look at their feet and then collectively imagine that they got stood up on prom night by a fat chiq.
Or that someone gathered all their kittens, put them in a sack, lit the sack on fire and underarm pitched it to Barry Bonds, who choked up on the bat and pulled the flaming kitteh-sack down the line into the Grand Canyon.
The poor nose for the rebound. Apart from Bosh, does the whole team sometimes look at a bouncing loose ball in a casual ‘fuck i gotta pick the fat kid, just because he’s left - can’t we just play 4 on 5?’ manner.
The Indian Giver - What’s the appropriate reaction when TJ Ford over-dribbles into trouble, then finds you at the elbow or top of the key, passes you the ball (obligatorily) and then is immediately in your face, asking for it back like he fronted you crack rock last week and the juice is running?
You think it’d be kosher to put the ball on your hip and point to the wing, saying “No, TJ, No. Not this time. Go.”
Epilepsy - Andrea Bargnani’s deplorable epileptic head-fake. More times it looks like he’s trying to pull off an urban whatsup.
eg. The I’m-working-out-right-now-and-I’m-clearly-not-taking-off-my-headphones-so-I’ll-give-you-the-head-nod whatsup.
Que? - Carlos Delfino’s indifferent “I’d rather be at home jerking off to Japanese anime” look.
Nonsensical double-teams - Late in Game 2, Hedo Turkoglu was doubled twice at the top of the key, both times resulting in an open 3 point attempt. Um, why? Also, what good is the TJ Ford double team on Dwight Howard? I’d bet Dwight could dunk with TJ duct-taped to his ankle.
(The poor rotation lead to two Nelson buckets resulting in an over enthused Chuck decreeing “Jameer Nelson is ON fire”. The same Jameer Nelson who, on back to back days last year, delivered me a large sliced tomato-roasted chicken-feta pizza one night and then wiped my windshield with a dirty squeegee on Queen St. on the next.)
Sam Mitchell. (see: Site, entire.)
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:34 am
Sam sitting down with his chin resting in his hand in crunch time with a “uh oh now I have to actually coach” look.
2 additional notes about last nights game:
1) Missed assignments and/or random double teaming. Shard posting Bosh calls for a double team? Really? Doubling a man at the top of the key is smart? This was more likely caused by confusion or missed assignment (likely Bargnani or AP’s fault - 2 of the worst when it comes do defensive awareness) but both led to killer Bogans 3’s.
1) Bargnani hit a huge 3 to bring the team within 2 in the 4th, and the Magic called a timeout. Was the bench pumped? Happy for Andrea? If someone could get a vid capture of the looks on the players faces, it would tell a 1000 words. It might or might not be a personal thing with Bargnani, but a lot of the players might not seem amused that Sam started him again in game 2. Reminiscent of last years playoffs, when Sam stubbornly stuck with Joey as a starter for at least one game too long before going to Mo Pete.
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:43 am
does anyone else hate Chuck Swirzky as much as I do? I know he’s not technically a Raptor but the way he verbally (and perhaps physically) sucks them off during games is starting to grind my gears, as P. Griffin would say…..
And his complete lack of basketball acumen and/or even knowledge doesn’t help either
Now I like a positive thinker as much as the next guy but come on - I can only hear so many compliments towards TJ Ford, Delfino or Rasho before wanting to launch a cheese-coated salami toward the announcer’s booth
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:11 am
BAM. That’s 5 in a row for the Raptors!
now trail the Magic by 17.
Idiot.
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:51 am
LOL @ Delfino comment, even though his facial expression usually says:
- “God damn, somebody shit their pants”
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:45 am
kittens. haha.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:51 am
Funny, I interpreted that Delfino look to mean: “You stupid pussies. I can’t believe the difference between this team and my last.”
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:52 am
This is the most hilarious post on the site.
Keep it coming.
Most under-appreciated site on the net.
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:45 pm
bargs is gettin a raw deal bein asked to run the 3…sam is a fucken joke.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:13 pm
VERY good assessment by Eric Smith on “the play”
http://blog.rogersbroadcasting.com/ericsmith/2008/04/23/the-final-play/
Although I see what he’s saying, I still think that it was wrong play to be called.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Fave Chuckism: “BOSH ON A POWER MOVE!”
(Translation: Two steps along the baseline resulting in a finger roll while jumping away from the basket. Note you can insert Andrea, Moon or Parker for Bosh and it still works great).
April 25th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
I * HATE when Chuck says ‘ate some rim’ for a dunk. Worst expression ever.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
ya thats kinda…um, gay.
May 9th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I can’t understand why sam is a coach! i don’t know what you think about but here in italy few people loves his ways…
May 13th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
the only thing i hate about the raptors right now - this site.
” can’t understand why sam is a coach! i don’t know what you think about but here in italy few people loves his ways…
” …because he tells it like it is and nobody wants to hear that the beloved andrea “the magician” is soft.
the one thing the guy can do very well is pretty magical. how does he disapear in games like that? i’ll never know…